Nothing isn't Nothing

"Nothing really matters,
Anyone can see.
Nothing really matters.
Nothing really matters to me."

- Queen, "Bohemian Rhapsody"

Nothing really matters. I think it's the impulsive reaction of a lot of people my age. I know it is for me. When someone asks me if something is wrong, or what's the matter, my instinctual response is to say "nothing."

In reality, that could not be further from the truth. But I have found that saying "nothing" is a good way to shut people out. And to shut them up.

I do this for a lot of reasons. One is because actually talking to someone about something weighing on my mind is an admission to myself that something is not quite right. Which I don't want to do.

Another is because, frankly, I'm scared it will hurt more to talk about than it already does to not talk about.

What I've recently (as in, tonight) realized is that saying "nothing" is unfair to those who care about me.

Usually, your friends and family can tell when something is not quite right. I know mine can. Saying "nothing" might shut them up, but it does not allay their worries that something is wrong.

On the flip side, it may be unfair of them to present themselves as help for a problem in which I have asked no help for.

I think, however, on most occasions, they are simply presenting themselves as a sounding board for me to let out my issues, not to find solutions for them. Their intentions are not intrusive.

I'm going to try and do a better job of not shutting them out of my mind. Because they love me. And I think I'll feel better for it.